Modern dating can be exciting and full of possibilities, but at the same time, it can also be exhausting and confusing. As a matchmaker, I see how differently people approach dating and building relationships.
Here, I’ll share my observations and practical insights to help you better understand what happens on dates and gain clarity in your choices.
Why do you date at all?
This is one of the most important questions to ask yourself.
Are you looking for a partner to share your life with? Do you want to start a family? Or are you primarily longing for closeness and hoping to have less loneliness in your life?
None of these desires are wrong. The important thing is to be aware of them.
When dating becomes an obligation or a project in and of itself, you can lose touch with what you actually want. You don’t have to know after every date whether it could turn into a relationship. However, it’s worth asking yourself from time to time whether you’re moving in the direction you truly want when you’re dating.
Red flags and compromises
Red flags, or warning signs, are behaviors or circumstances that may indicate a person is not a good fit for your values, needs, or expectations. These can relate, for example, to smoking, the desire or unwillingness to have children, or behaviors such as constantly being late or failing to be considerate of others.
When we’re interested in someone, we may find ourselves wanting to focus on their good qualities and hope that the things that bother us aren’t really that important. This can lead us to downplay our doubts or think that we’ll probably get used to them over time.
At the same time, not every difference or inconvenience means the relationship can’t work. It’s important to understand whether it’s something that conflicts with your core values and needs, or if it’s simply a difference you can learn to accept.
That’s why it’s worth thinking through for yourself which issues you’re unwilling to compromise on and where you’re willing to be flexible. Don’t ignore red flags that are important to you, but give yourself and the other person time to really get to know each other.
Hard to access?
It’s often said that being hard to get increases interest. If you respond to messages with a delay, keep your distance, or don’t show your interest too clearly, you may seem more attractive to the other person.
My advice is simple: don’t play games or manipulate others.
A long-term relationship isn’t built on constant uncertainty, but on the ability to trust each other. If you notice that the other person is sending mixed signals, you can talk to them honestly about your observations and feelings. You don’t have to spend endless time guessing what the other person is thinking or feeling.
This doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold for the sake of dating. Living your own life, being independent, and maintaining a natural air of mystery can be very attractive. The key difference is whether you’re setting boundaries or deliberately trying to make the other person feel insecure.
Be yourself, show interest, and honestly express what you need. You don’t have to convince anyone to choose you. What’s more important is to see if the interest and desire to get to know each other are mutual.
Eliia Laats
matchmaker
Magnet Dating Agency
