I have to make a little confession: I’m a sucker for relationship reality shows.
I’m fascinated by how people let the whole world follow the development of their relationships, their joys, and their stumbles. I’m even grateful to them, because through their stories I get a glimpse into experiences I might not otherwise have access to.
I recently watched the Netflix series *Age of Attraction*, which explores how much age—and especially age differences—affect relationships.
As a matchmaker, I often encounter this topic. In my experience, men more often want to find a partner who is significantly younger than themselves. I see this less often with women, although it does happen.
I’m personally familiar with age gaps. I’ve been in a relationship where my partner was over 20 years older than me. That’s why I understand people who say that age doesn’t matter as long as partners understand each other. But why does this topic still raise so many questions in society?
The Cult of Youth and Double Standards
While watching a reality show, I noticed once again how strongly the desire for youth is ingrained in our culture. Youth is often associated with beauty, status, and attention. Taking care of yourself is great, but when youth becomes an end in itself, it’s worth asking what we actually value.
In the dating world, this is also evident in attitudes toward age gaps. An older man with a younger woman is often considered normal, sometimes even a sign of status. A relationship between an older woman and a younger man, however, may still come as a surprise or raise questions.
On the show, women whose partners were younger than them also spoke about social pressure and the feeling that their loved ones and acquaintances might not accept their relationship.
It seems to me that different norms apply to men and women here. The language used also reflects this: striking labels are often used to describe a relationship between an older woman and a younger man, while a relationship between an older man and a younger woman is treated as much more ordinary.
Of course, an age difference can reflect different stages of life, expectations, or desires—for example, regarding starting a family. But age alone does not determine whether a relationship is good, healthy, or long-lasting.
What really matters in a relationship?
One thought from the show really stuck with me: if communication isn’t working in a relationship, even a small age gap won’t fix it. And if communication is working, a large age gap doesn’t have to be an obstacle.
I agree with that idea.
As a matchmaker, I see that compatibility cannot be assessed solely based on age, a profile, or a list of traits. What matters is how people interact with each other, whether they listen to and respect one another, and whether their expectations and desires align.
An age difference can raise questions that are worth discussing honestly. However, it’s just as important to look at the person as a whole and not focus solely on age.
If you like reality shows about relationships, I recommend watching *Age of Attraction*. It got me thinking about both societal attitudes and how much we let others’ opinions influence our choices.
As a matchmaker, I want people to have more opportunities to meet and build relationships where they can be themselves—even if their relationship doesn’t fit others’ expectations of what a relationship should be.
Eliia Laats
matchmaker
Magnet Dating Agency
